229- DIVORCING IS TWICE THEN EITHER HOLDING THEM WITH KINDNESS OR LETING THEM GO WITH KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY.  AND IT IS NOT PERMITTED FOR YOU TO TAKE ANY THING YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM, UNLESS YOU FEAR THAT THEY SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP TO THE LIMITS ORDAINED BY ALLAH. IF YOU FEAR THAT BOTH SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP TO THE LIMITS ORDAINED BY ALLAH, THERE IS NO BLAME UPON THEM IF SHE RANSOMS HERSELF.  THESE ARE ALLAH’S LIMITS; DO NOT TRANSGRESS THEM, FOR THOSE WHO TRANSGRESS ALLAH’S LIMITS ARE THE UNJUST.

230- THEN IF HE DIVORCED HER (THIRD TIME), SHE IS NOT PERMITTED FOR HIM UNTIL SHE MARRIES ANOTHER MAN, IF HE DIVORCES HER, THERE IS NO BLAME UPON THEM IF THEY RETURN TO EACH OTHER, IF THEY THINK THAT THEY CAN KEEP TO ALLAH’S LIMITS.  THESE ARE ALLAH’S LIMITS BEING CLARIFIED FOR PEOPLE OF KNOWLEDGE.

 

After the first and second divorce, the spouses may return to each other again, but not after the third.  Unless she marries another man who divorces her after a proper marriage, then they may return to each other. 

Before this Ayah, there were no limits on the number of times a man may divorce his wife.  Some men used to punish their wife by divorcing them, then before the end of their Edda, take them back, then divorce them and take them back.  He was able to do this endlessly, which was unfair for women. 

It was reported that a man from the Ansar was angry with his wife, and said to her: “By Allah, I shall neither keep you nor leave you” she said: “How is that?” He said: “I will divorce you and wait until near the end of your Edda, I will take you back, then I shall divorce you and when the end of your Edda approaches, I will take you back”.  She mentioned this to Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him, following which this Ayah was sent down.  (T: Talaq; 16)

Limiting the number of divorces prevents the abuse of the wife’s rights and Allah’s law.

After a divorce, the husband should either return his wife and keep her on equitable terms and treat her kindly or let her go and treat her kindly and generously still. 

A Muslim man divorcing his wife by his own wish, should not take back any thing he has given her such as dowry, presents or any thing else regardless of it’s value. 

If a woman wants to divorce her husband, she may give her dowry back in return for her divorce.  It is sinful for a man to cause his wife difficulties and hardship to force her to ask for divorce and return him his dowry.  Allah the Highest said: “IT IS NOT PERMITTED FOR YOU TO INHERIT THE WOMEN AGAINST THEIR WILL, NOR TO TREAT THEM HARSHLY IN ORDER TO TAKE BACK SOME OF WHAT YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM; UNLESS THEY COMMIT A CLEAR SIN.  IF YOU HATE THEM, MAY BE THAT YOU HATE SOMETHING WHILE ALL MAKES A GREAT DEAL OF GOODNESS IN IT” (S: 4 A: 19)

A woman may ask for divorce for many reasons; such as if her husband is miserly, harsh, abuses her, sexually unable, or even because she just does not like him.  The wife of a man called Thabet Ibn Qyes went to Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him saying: “Allah’s messenger, I do not have a complaint about Thabet’s  Faith or Character, however I can not stand him”  Allah’s messenger said: “Will you give him his garden back?”  She said: “Yes”  (B:Talaq;12 & Ma:Talaq;22 & D:Talaq;18 & N:Talaq;34 & A:4;3)

This does not mean that a woman may ask for divorce for no good reason, or in order to marry another man etc.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no harm or upset she will be forbidden the smell of the Paradise” (A: 5; 277,283 & Da: Talaq; 6 & D: Talaq; 18)

Some say that the wife may give any thing to ransom herself to be divorced.  Others say that what she may give is the dowry and any valuable gifts also.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him did not ask this lady to give any thing more than the dowry back.  Marriage is a contract and there are financial aspects to this contract.  It is only fair that when a marriage is dissolved, only the woman may surrender her financial gains from the marriage only, no more.

Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him told Habiba, the lady who asked for divorce that her Edda is one menstrual cycle (T: Talaq; 10 & D)

In this case the man can not take his wife back without her agreement, and with a new marriage contract and dowry. 

This counts as One Divorce.

After the Third Divorce, they can not return to each other except under one condition.  The woman marries another man, and this marriage ends with divorce.  Then she may remarry her previous husband.  There are two conditions for this:

1-    The second marriage should be genuine, and not just for the purpose of the woman remarrying her previous husband.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him cursed the man who does that and the man for whom it is being done (T:Nekah;28 & N:Talaq;13 & D:Nekah;15 & A:1;448)

 

2-    The second marriage should be consummated.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him was asked about a woman who was divorced three times, and then she married another man who divorced her before the marriage was consummated, and she wanted to return to her first husband.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Not until he tastes your sweetness as the first one did”.  (B:Talaq;7 & D:Talaq;49 & N:Talaq;9 & Mal:Nekah;17,18)

Aysha reported that Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said that: “The sweetness is the sexual intercourse”.  (A: 6; 62)

 

A marriage intending to just permit the remarriage of a man and woman who have been divorced three times is not a valid marriage.  Valid marriage should not have an end date.  It should be entered with the intention of it lasting.

 

 

B: Bukhari   M: Muslim    Mal: Malek   A: Ahmed   D: Abu Dawood     

 Da: Daremy       Ma: Ibn Magah            N: Nesae          T: Termezi  

 

228- DIVORCED WOMEN SHOULD WAIT OBSERVING THEMSELVES FOR THREE MENSTRUAL CYCLES, AND IT IS NOT PERMITTED FOR THEM TO CONCEAL WHAT ALLAH HAS CREATED IN THEIR WOMBS, IF THEY BELIEVE IN ALLAH AND THE LAST DAY.  AND THEIR HUSBANDS HAVE THE RIGHT TO RETURN THEM (INTO THE MARRIAGE) DURING THIS TIME IF THEY DESIRE RECONCILIATION, AND WOMEN HAS AS MUCH RIGHTS AS THEY HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES, WITH KINDNESS, BUT MEN ARE A DEGREE ABOVE THEM, AND ALLAH IS EXALTED IN POWER AND MOST WISE.

 

This is a rule in Islamic Law (Shariaa) concerning divorce.  Of the things Allah the Highest allows, Allah hates the divorce most.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Of all the things Allah permitted, divorce is the thing which Allah hates most” (D: Talaq; 3 & Ma: Talaq; 1)

Divorce is allowed in Islam however, for there are times when the continuation of the marriage does the family more harm than good.  Also there are situations when either one spouse or the other, do not like the other and can not continue living with them, or for any other reason.  Then it is better for them to part, so that each may find another partner. 

The command is for the divorced woman to observe herself for any sign of pregnancy for three menstrual cycles.  The end of this period some say it is:

1-    The beginning of the third menstrual bleeding.

2-    More scholars say it is the end of the third menstrual bleeding.

This is the opinion of Omar Ibn El-Khatab, Othman Ibn Afan, Ali Ibn Abi Taleb, Aysha, Abd Allah Ibn Masoud, and Abu Musa El Ashari.

It means that the Edda is finished when the third menstrual bleeding is finished and she cleansed herself and bathed ready to pray.

During this period the husband has the right to return her into the marriage without her agreement.  After the end of the Edda, it has to be with her agreement and with a new wedding and new dowry.

The Edda has two main functions:

1-    Establish if the divorced woman is pregnant, which establishes the paternity of the child.  Also husband and wife might reconsider the continuation of the marriage if they are going to have a child.

2-    Gives both husband and wife a chance to rethink and try reconciliation.  This period also allows them to calm down, and for those of good will to mediate.

A man should take his wife back only if he really desires reconciliation, not to cause his wife hurt and harm.  Also a wife should show a desire to go back to her husband if she desires to resume marital life, not to hurt or take revenge.  Allah the Highest said: “AND DO NOT DETAIN THEM TO HURT THEM AND TO BE UNJUST”.  (S: 2 A: 231)

Allah the Highest is telling us that women have as much rights as they have responsibilities and duties to their husbands and children.  They should have their rights of being well treated, appreciated, and provided for kindly and in a pleasant and appreciative way. 

When Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him was asked about the rights of the wife, he answered: “To feed her out of what you are fed, cloths her as you are being clothed, do not hit the face, do not insult her or call her ugly, and do not desert except at home”.  (D: Nekah; 42)

In fact in Islamic Law the wife has rights in every aspect of life, including sex and her husband is responsible for her and her welfare.

Then Allah the Highest says: “MEN ARE A DEGREE ABOVE THEM”

This is clarified by another Ayah “MEN ARE THE GUARDIANS AND PROTECTORS OF WOMEN, FOR ALLAH BESOWED MORE ON ONE THAN THE OTHER, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY SPEND OF THEIR MONEY” (S: 4 A: 34)

Allah the Highest gives men the responsibility of looking after women and protecting them, as well as the financial responsibility for their wives, as well as their mothers and sisters if in need.  Allah the Highest endowed may with more physical strength, and ability to earn.  A woman needs extra protection when pregnant, and nursing children.  It is the right of the woman to be looked after, protected and provided for, in order to fulfill her function and responsibilities in looking after the family, nursing and rearing the children, and providing peace and comfort for her husband.

 

B: Bukhari   M: Muslim    Mal: Malek   A: Ahmed   D: Abu Dawood     

 Da: Daremy       Ma: Ibn Magah            N: Nesae          T: Termezi  

 

 

226- FOR THOSE WHO MAKE AN OATH TO ABSTAIN FROM THEIR WIVES, THEY MAY WAIT FOR UP TO FOUR MONTH, IF THEY RESUME LIFE TOGETHER; ALLAH IS MOST FORGIVING AND MOST MERCIFUL.

227- AND IF THEY DECIDED TO DIVORCE, ALLAH HEARS AND KNOWS ALL THINGS.

 

These two Ayahs were sent down to correct an injustice some women used to suffer.  Men were able to swear an oath not to touch their wives.  Following which they may go on for a long time depriving their wives of their conjugal rights.  The wife remained; neither divorced then able to remarry, nor married.  These Ayahs put an end to this injustice.

Allah the Highest tells us that those who swear an oath to stay away from their wives have four month maximum for this abstention.  Or if separated due to any disputes between them, they have four month to sort their problems out so that they can get back together or end the marriage by divorce.  It does not have to go on for four month, but the maximum is four month. 

This prevents open ended marital disputes, in which the wife is often the losing party if left without a divorce and without reconciliation.  Divorce is not necessarily an end, although it is an act not liked by Allah the Highest.  It can be a solution and a beginning to a new and better marriage.

There is a difference in opinion between the scholars as to whether the Edda (the period following divorce during which a woman can not remarry) should be one or three menstrual cycles as in normal divorce?  In case of the divorced woman being pregnant, her Edda ends at the end of her pregnancy.

In the next Ayahs; there are detailed commands and Law about matrimonial as well as divorce issues.  It is important to understand them properly as they really affect us.

224- AND DO NOT LET THE OATH YOU SWEAR BY ALLAH PREVENT YOU FROM DOING GOOD,  ACTING RIGHTEOUSLY AND MAKING PEACE BETWEEN PEOPLE, AND ALLAH HEARS AND KNOWS ALL THINGS.

225- ALLAH DOES NOT HOLD YOU TO ACCOUNT FOR THE OATHS YOU DID NOT MEAN, BUT HOLDS YOU TO ACCOUNT FOR THE OATHS YOU INTENDED IN YOUR HEARTS, AND ALLAH IS MOST FORGIVING AND MOST FORBEARING.

 

Allah the Highest is giving us two instructions in these two Ayahs:

1-    Acting righteously is better than fulfilling an oath which leads us to act not righteously or less righteously or prevent us from making peace or have good relationship with people. 

Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “By Allah and Allah permitting, whenever I swear an oath and find something else to be better, I shall do what is better and ransom my oath”  (B:Iman;1 & M:Iman;7 & Mal:Nozor;11 & A:5;61,62)

 

It is important to note that one can not make an oath concerning something he does not possess or have control of, nor involving committing a sin.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Neither Nazr nor Oath should be made concerning what the son of Adam does not own, disobeying Allah or breaking ties with blood relations”  (B:Iman;18,31 & D:Iman;21 & N:Iman;31)

 

Ransoming an Oath:

 

If a Muslim does not fulfill an oath he or she made or finds that doing something else is better, they should Ransom that oath and do what is better.  Ransoming the Oath is detailed in the following Ayah: “ALLAH DOES NOT HOLD YOU TO ACCOUNT FOR YOUR UNINTENDED OATHS, BUT HOLDS YOU TO ACCOUNT FOR YOUR SERIOUSLY INTENDED OATHS.  IT’S RANDOM IS TO FEED TEN POOR FROM THE AVERAGE THAT YOU FEED YOUR FAMILIES, OR CLOTHING THEM, OR FREEING A SLAVE.  THOSE WHO CAN NOT AFFORD IT, FASTING THREE DAYS.  THIS IS THE RANSOM OF YOU YOUR OATH, SHOULD YOU SWEAR AN OATH.  AND FULFIL YOUR OATH.  ALLAH MAKES HIS AYAHS CLEAR TO PEOPLE, SO THAT THEY MAY GIVE THANKS”.  (S: 5 A: 89)

It is better to Ransom the Oath if it leads to the person’s spouse of family being hurt or upset.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “For one of you to hurt his wife and family with his oath is more sinful than to give the ransom Allah prescribed”.  (M: Iman; 26)

If the Oath Involves Disobeying Allah the Highest, should it be Ransomed?

Some of Allah’s messenger companions, Imam Malek and Imam Shafae think that it does not have to be ransomed as it is not valid in the first place.  Others think that it should not be fulfilled, but still have to be ransomed.

One should not swear an oath concerning something he does not possess or control.  For example not to say that if something happens I shall kill one of my brother’s cows.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “No Nazr or Oath is to be sworn concerning what you do not possess”.  (D: Iman; 12 & N; Iman; 17)

A Muslim should make an oath only by Allah’s name, not be father or mother or any thing else, like food or honor etc.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Allah the Exalted in Power and the Majestic forbids you from swearing by your fathers.  He who swears an oath, he should swear by Allah, or not speak” (B: Iman; 4 & D: Iman; 4 & T: Nozor; 9)

Whenever one swears an Oath, one should also say “If Allah wills”.  Then one leaves the fulfillment of this oath to Allah as he conditioned it by His will.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Whoever swears an oath and says: ‘if Allah will’, he made it conditioned by Allah’s will.  Therefore there is no perjury for him (if he can not fulfill it)”.  (T: Nozor; 7 & D: Iman; 9, 17 & N: Iman; 18)

Also by saying “if Allah wills” when swearing an oath, is calling upon Allah the Highest to help to fulfill it.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Solomon the son of David, Allah’s prophet said: ‘Tonight, I shall go to seventy of my women, each of them will get pregnant and give birth to a boy who shall fight in the cause of Allah’.  An angel said to him: Say if Allah wills.  But he did not say it, he forgot.  None of them got pregnant except one who gave birth to half a boy.  Then Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Had he said: If Allah wills, he would not have perjured his oath and would have been helped to get what he wanted”.  (M: Iman; 23)

 

Every Muslim should always does his best to fulfill his oaths, if it is not in doing something forbidden, does not hurt others including his family, and if it is the best thing to do.  Allah the Highest said: “AND FULFILL YOUR OATH IF YOU SWEAR AN OATH”.  (S: 5 A: 89)

 

B: Bukhari   M: Muslim    Mal: Malek   A: Ahmed   D: Abu Dawood     

 Da: Daremy       Ma: Ibn Magah            N: Nesae          T: Termezi  

222- THEY ASK YOU ABOUT MENSTRUATING WOMEN, SAY: “IT IS HARMFUL (MENSTERUATION) SO KEEP AWAY FROM WOMEN DURING MENSTRUATING, AND DO NOT APPROACH THEM UNTIL THEY ARE CLEANSED.  WHEN THEY HAVE CLEANSED THEMSELVES, APPROACH THEM FROM WHERE ALLAH COMMANDED YOU, FOR ALLAH LOVES THOSE WHO REPENT AND THOSE WHO CLEANSE AND PURIFY THEMSELVES.

223- YOUR WOMEN ARE TILTHE FOR YOU, APPROACH YOUR TELTHE AS YOU DESIRE, AND SEND GOOD DEEDS BEFORE YOUR SOULS,  PROTECT YOURSELVES FROM ALLAH’S DISPLEASURE,  KNOW THAT YOU ARE MEETING HIM, AND GIVE GLADE TIDINGS TO THE BELIEVERS.

 

Allah the Highest is telling us that menstruation can be harmful in case of sexual intercourse, therefore sexual intercourse between man and wife is forbidden while she is menstruating.

This harm could not have been understood 1400 years ago when the Quran was sent down.  Now we understand that diseases are transmitted by microorganisms, which are carried in the blood.  Some of these diseases are more serious than others, indeed they can be fatal such as AIDS and Hepatitis.  Microorganisms were not known at the time, they were only known just over 100 years ago.  This is:

1-    Another proof of the authenticity of the Quran and that its source is Allah the Highest not human being.

2-    That Allah the Highest does not forbid any thing unless it is harmful to us. 

What is forbidden is sexual intercourse only.  When these Ayahs ware sent down Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Be together with them in your homes, and do every thing except sexual intercourse”.  (D: Taharah; 102 & M: Hyd; 16)

Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him used to share the bed with his wives when they were menstruating.  His wife Om Salama reported: “While I was lying down with Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him under a cover, I started menstruating.  I slipped away and took my cloth for menstruating (she used to wear different cloths while menstruating).  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Are you menstruating?”  I said: “Yes”, then she said: “He called me and I lied down with him under the cover”.  She went on saying that she and Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him used to wash from Janabah (Impurity from sex) from one basin of water”.  (B: Hyd; 4 & M: Hyd; 5 & N: Taharah; 178)

It should be noted that while the woman is menstruating, a man and wife are allowed all kind of contact and affectionate and sexual foreplay short of sexual intercourse and touching the woman’s genitals.  Aysha may Allah be pleased with her reported: “While one of Allah’s messenger’s wives was menstruating, he would tell her to cover her private parts with cloths, then approach her but short of sexual intercourse”.  (B:Hyd;5 & M:Hyd;1 & Mal:Taharah;95 & D:Taharah;106 & N:Taharah;179 & Ma:Taharah;121 & A:6;335-6)

Another Hadith to the same effect was related by Mymonah, Allah’s messenger’s wife.

Aysha may Allah be pleased with her said: “I used to wash Allah’s messenger’s head when I was menstruating” (M: Hyd; 10 & Da: Wadoo; 108 & A: 6; 55)

He even rested his head in his wife’s lap when she was menstruating and recited the Quran.  Aysha may Allah be pleased with her said: “Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him used to rest his head in my lap when I was menstruating and recite the Quran” (B: Hyd; 3 & N: Taharah; 173 & Ma: Taharah; 120 & A: 6; 69,331)

He drunk from the same cup and shared the same food with his wives when menstruating.  Aysha said: “I used to eat the meat off the bone and give it to Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him who would put his mouth on the same place I was eating from.  I used to drink and give the rest to Allah’s messenger who would put his mouth on the same place I drank from; this was while I was menstruating”.  (M: Hyd; 14 & D: Taharah; 102 & N: Taharah; 55)

It is clear that a man and his wife while his wife is menstruating can live normally without any restrictions except sexual intercourse and approaching the woman’s genitals which is forbidden.

Some women develop health problems which make them bleed for a long time, may be two weeks every month or even more.  About those Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Let her work out the number of days and nights she used to menstruate before this happened; she should leave the Salah for those days, then let her wash, cover her private parts with a cloth then perform her Salah” (M: Hyd; 65-66 & D: Taharah; 108 & N: Taharah; 133 & A: 6; 222)

There are many Hadiths to the same effect.  Based on these Hadiths, it is generally agreed between the scholars that if the woman can pray, then she can have sexual intercourse with her husband.  Perhaps at this day and age, condoms can offer further protection if there is still bleeding.

“AND DO NOT APPROACH THEM UNTIL THEY ARE CLEANSED” 

Means that sexual intercourse is to be resumed after the end of the menstruation and the woman bathed and cleansed herself and is able to pray.

Human nature being weak, some might be tempted to have sexual intercourse with his wife while she is menstruating.  There is a ransom for this sin and paying the ransom removes the sin.  When Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him was asked about this, he said: “A dinar if the blood was red, and half a dinar if it was yellow” (Dinar was a gold coin) (T: Taharah; 103)

The man is the one to pay the ransom.

“YOUR WOMEN ARE TILTHE FOR YOU; APPROACH YOUR TELTH AS YOU DESIRE”.

This is a command that men should have intercourse with their wives only through the genital organs, prohibiting anal intercourse.  The analogy of the wife with the tithe, for she is like the fertile land for the man’s seed to grow.  This further enforces that intercourse should be through the genital orifices only.

The Muslims are not restricted in the way a husband and wife may have sexual intercourse, as long as it is through the genitalia.  Two Muslim men asked Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him about this, he said: “Approach her in any way, as long as it is in the Faraj (Sexual organ)” (A: 1; 268 & Da: Wadoo; 113,114)

A woman asked Om Salama, Allah’s messenger’s wife about her husband wanting to approach her for sex from behind (not in her behind), Om Salama told her to wait until Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him arrives.  Om Salama asked him and he said: “YOUR WOMEN ARE TILTHE FOR YOU; APPROACH YOUR TELTH AS YOU DESIRE” then he said to her: “One hole” (A: 6:305,310 & T: Tafseer Sorah 3; 26)

It is a sin to have anal intercourse with one’s wife.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Damned is he who approaches his wife in her behind”.  (A: 2; 444,249 & D: Nekah; 45)

Sending good deeds before our souls: 

Allah the Highest is reminding us always of doing what is good for us.  Good deeds, or bad one, go to the Hereafter and wait there for us before our departure.  The best way to prepare for our Hereafter is to send good deeds ahead of us for this will be our credit and our wealth there.

 

B: Bukhari   M: Muslim    Mal: Malek   A: Ahmed   D: Abu Dawood     

 Da: Daremy       Ma: Ibn Magah            N: Nesae          T: Termezi